Saturday, March 28, 2009

Extrovert Alert, & Respecting the Process - and My Parents

Last night I found myself feeling a little depressed and in doubt about this whole London adventure. I went to an event that was fun but not really what I'd pictured it would be, and much more crowded, which stressed me out. Then I got home and was completely exhausted and, well, basically, I was being impatient and hard on myself. Thinking, "How am I ever going to make any progress here?" and "Why am I so tired?"

Then I did some journaling and such, remembered that it was really only my 3rd day here, and giggled at myself. This adventure is a birth process, just like anything worth doing, and it's going to have its own timing. It also occurred to me that, in a situation with so many unknowns, and so many strong desires floating around within my being, it would behoove me to keep my vibration as strong and positive as possible by being extra-vigilant about the quality of my thoughts.

Today I attended a 12-step meeting. Took me forever to get there, as I got quite lost. But I made up my mind that I would locate the venue, whether or not I made it to the meeting, so I would at least know where it was for next week. I wound up having a lovely (if rather chilly) tour of the Westminster/Kensington Gardens/Hyde Park area. Exquisitely beautiful. Even passed a building that a Lady with the last name "Bonham Carter" once lived in. Must be a relation to Helena.

Anyhoo, when I finally made it to the meeting, I volunteered to do service and wound up meeting some lovely members of the fellowship afterwards. That put me back on a high.

Then, instead of going to a Bruno Groening Circle of Friends meeting (you can google Bruno Groening), I decided to go home for a nap because I was totally exhausted. Here was an example of respecting the process: recognizing that finding one new place was enough for me today.

Upon arriving home, I had a very small experience of the difference between being a single young woman and being a parent, when my dad and stepmom both wanted to take naps, too, so I was in charge of watching my little sister for awhile. It was, I admit, a relatively new experience for me to not be able to follow my own personal energy level and mood and do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it (namely, take a luxurious bath and nap as soon as I landed at home). I'm not complaining. My sister was watching cartoons and Madeline was very amusing, with all the characters' French accents. I simply had an infinitesimal inkling of why my mother often says that your life is never the same after having children. So I suppose I'd multiply today's tiny experience of self-sacrifice by infinity and I'd have a slight idea of what it's like to be a parent. Maybe infinity squared. Or cubed. The point is, I bow at my parents feet, forever.

I did get to have a bath and a nap shortly afterwards, and then we all went to a dinner party nearby, where I met a wonderful older actress who was completely enchanting. She is so knowledgeable and cultured and elegant and warm, and was also delightfully encouraging of my aspirations around acting work here. Everyone else at the party was fun and interesting, too, and when we finally left, I felt absolutely aglow, realizing, for the umpteenth time in my life, that I am, in many ways, an extrovert, and as such, I am quite fueled by socializing and talking and meeting new people. It's like oxygen. Maybe because my moon is in Leo.

We also honored Earth Hour by having our dinner by candlelight. I have a suspicion that is very good for your adrenals and overall health. It has a calming effect and I like it!

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