This morning when I checked my email, I had the following message from TUT, Notes from the Universe (to which I subscribe):
Too often, Ann, the only difference between HAVE and HAVE NOT depends on whether or not the initial request was followed by a thank you, yee-haa, and action, rather than a question mark, timidity, and TV.
Don't ask. Give thanks. Bust a move.
I laughed out loud with recognition of the resonance of this statement for me, especially right now. Case in point: Yesterday, I got a few productive things done, but spent much of the day in a downward emotional spiral, paralyzed by my fears and other emotions about being here in London and all the unknowns, etc. A good chunk of the day was even spent talking on Facebook with a man from my past, and getting all riled up about a piece of information he disclosed to me. I would have been watching TV instead, but I couldn't get the TV to turn on. It's one of those 3-remote-control contraptions that never cease to mystify me. Granted, I haven't personally owned a TV in years. Point being, "question mark, timidity, and TV" - can I relate? Just a little bit.
I have a lot of desires. A lot of big desires. I am one lusty wench - lusty in the lust for life sense, I mean (we won't go into the other department for now). And I'm here in London with many open options in going for many of my desires. I have a level of support that I haven't had since I left home for college. I have lots of free time and lots of freedom. The kiss of death. My mind is a bad neighborhood to spend any significant amount of time in alone. And in my normal life in NYC, I am generally too busy to spend too much time there alone. But that was then and this is now, and now I'm spending a lot of time there. And it's frightening. All my doubts, fears, and confusions are rearing their ugly heads. And suddenly the simple act of mobilizing myself to take the dog for a walk or make myself something to eat seems highly unappealing and next to impossible.
However, the good news is, I have friends at home I can talk to about this experience, and they help me stay sane, or resume sanity, as the case may be. And, as that wonderful teacher says in Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." Luckily, today was tomorrow, and I had that wonderful note from the Universe in my email, and I took it and ran with it. I started to make a list of my desires, with accompanying actions for each. And before the list, I wrote a thank-you note to God/Goddess/the Universe for these desires and for my passion and imagination, and for the coming fulfillment of my desires and the fulfillment of previous desires and the inspiration of actions to take to help bring about my desires. I even wrote "Thank you! Yahoo!" after the first few desires.
Throughout the day, I thought about my desires in a new light, and I took small actions towards some of them, and got some positive results relatively quickly. I also meditated and asked for guidance multiple times throughout the day, and felt a sense of clarity and connectedness with my Higher Power that was enlivening and encouraging.
And I feel emboldened in my belief in my desires now, at day's end.